if we're supposed to forgive the people around us who sin
(and if we don't, then God won't be able to forgive us for the immense amounts we have)
and i don't forgive myself
am i baned?
am i cursed to hell?
am i to be mocked?
banish me, curse me, mock me.
slap me, whack me, kick dirt into my mouth.
i can't bear to hurt myself
maybe someone else can do it better, in a more painful manner
suffering, agonising.
emotional pain is greater than physical pain
oh all these things that i've gained from experience
never seems to help when it comes to myself
i've written about life being a dichotomy sometimes
but other times, there aren't two paths
there's three, four, five
russian roulette
6
maybe one route is fatality
maybe all but one
yet we still have only one choice
and i choose the worst
the last
the epitome
why am i losing words in my mind
they keep slipping away so gently
serenely, calmly
slowly.
so slow, yet so swiftly that i can't manage to grasp it before it leaves
or maybe it's just slippery
maybe i wasn't ever meant to catch it in the first place
it could be like air
it could be like light
it could be like love
oh splendid.
eric clapton goes "i was never waiting for the tears to start"
no tears this time
just immense, incomprehensible, gargantuan pain
another word slipped past
just like another message you send me
i let them all fall away
let them all drift away
all disperse into the air
messages in bottles always take a long time to drift to the shore of salvation
but when they do, you might not even get to be saved
you might be stranded upon foreign lands for the rest of your life, the rest of the world oblivious to your whereabouts
while they rest, you rest in peace
i could do with an island
but the question is
would you join me?
or will i be an outsider for the rest of my life.
Labels: laments
8:58 PM
